Finding Joy in the Midst of a Personal Summer

Personal summer, tropical heat-wave, power surge, power bursts, or just, plain ‘flashing’. However you label the phenomenon, hot flashes can happen when least expected and tend to have particularly bad timing (in the middle of an interview) and end as quickly as they start. They leave in their wake anything from that moist glow so sought after by swim suit photographers, completely soaked pajamas and sheets, to a waterfall of sweaty makeup running down your face, soaking your clothing.

After my chemo treatments threw me into menopause, the hot-flashes were frequent and intense. I had to do something! Deciding that this too could be an excuse to have some fun, I purchases a beautiful, hand held fan. The kind of fan that women pop open with a flick of their wrist when acting coy in front of a gentleman. My fan is an expanding bouquet of tulip–shaped petals made from hand crafted paper. It’s turquoise, silver and yellow coloring coordinated with the sea of turquoise that was my wardrobe that summer. I dubbed it the Hot Flash Fan. It was great fun to whip out the HFF in the middle of the grocery store or doctor’s appointment to fan away the rising temperature that was my own to experience.

Night sweats were and still are altogether a different challenge. Covers on, covers off, covers on, and so on…luckily I experienced the drenching sweats only a few times at night. You know the kind of sweats where you have to change your night clothes from the skin out… sometimes even the sheets and pillowcase! I just played the on again, off again game with the covers. The biggest problem I encountered with night sweats was that it leads to insomnia. Many a night would find me sitting on the front porch watching the night sky change….yes; hours would go by so I did actually see the constellations move across the sky.

Here is a link to an enterprising sister BC Thriver who from her life experience of being an outdoorswoman, figured out a way to manage the on and off waterworks of night sweats:

http://www.haralee.com/pages.php?page=aboutus

Her story inspires me to think of ways that I can re-purpose or re-direct experiences or information to help create coping strategies for the challenges of rapid onset menopause…what tools do I have to help me manage rather than be depressed by all of these lovely things that have slammed into my life? Hmmmm….I can use my imagination and when the summer springs forth…go to the visualization of me lounging languidly by the pool, sparkling lemon seltzer in hand, reading the latest, and enjoying the cool breeze generated by large palm fronds waving movement into the stagnant air…that would be Aragorn at the other end of the palm fronds….til next time…

Getting Unstuck

I started this blog to chronicle my adventures sailing/wading through the aftermath of my cancer journey. In my usual Capricornian way of having to be perfect and chronological, the blog got stuck. So here I am on a hot, muggy, summer day resurrecting it and throwing perfection and rules to the wind. After all, we Capricorns are here to re-write the how-to guide for the planet…more about Shamanic Astrology later. Back to the present moment. Eight months ago I started a major health overhaul. I feel great and want to share the experience of the sometimes easy and often challenging changes I have made.

There is research happening right now that is documenting how eating well and exercising regularly is more than beneficial to staying healthy after cancer. The other things that I have found helpful are peer support-in an upbeat atmosphere and accountability. We are rewriting the way cancer survivors thrive after treatment. My dream is to have a prescription written at the end of treatment that prescribes the program I just finished…with a few additions…like I said the book is being written!

So this will be place to share my experiences from the last months and to explore each day and what is brings. Like this morning…1/2 of a apple fritter..let’s see…probably about 8 hours on the treadmill (maybe)…and just to be aware of that when I pick the apple dotted, glaze drizzled ball of fried doughy-ness is HUGE progress. The next step of course is deciding to put it down or committing to the action that will take care of that before next weigh-in!

The Quantum Leap into menopause has opened a whole new world of experiences, welcome or not that I get to work with. I can be grateful I am alive and that the things that my peers and I are experiencing are being acknowledged by researched.

I am off to have a great day!

Mama Mia, Here we go again!!

Riding along toward my destination, I was feeling good about my late start. There was time to do my planned exercise and have my calorie specific lunch and vegetables. In the cooler riding shotgun next to me, I had a bag of yummy (!??) cauliflower easily accessible to stave off the mid-afternoon hungries. MMMM…. I had the usual gallon of water and of course the coffee spiked with skim milk. And to keep me company now that the local radio stations have played out, ABBA. Yes. I am a closet ABBA sing-a-long-er. I have the movie Mama-Mia and think that I sing at least as good as Pierce Brosnan. You will never, however, catch me documenting my voice on video for posterity.

As the last chorus of Take a Chance on Me winds down, I realize I need to eat. And then I realize I have not eaten fast food since the day before Thanksgiving! Holy Cow! Now What! I do not want to take time to have a sit down meal. And I do not want to ruin my great on the plan day with a late, fat-filled dinner. Ah! Jared! Subway Jared to the rescue. At the next town I pulled off for my low fat 280 calorie/ 4.5 grams of fat, turkey sub on multigrain w/ extra lettuce and no dressing….no chips, and no cookie, thank you.

Mama Mia, that sandwich was yummy, each bite savored. (Have had no bread for quite some time either.) All of those calories were worth every bite. And a difference in me- I was not even tempted by burger places, instead immediately thinking about how to eat within the plan. The behavior changes are starting to solidify as part of me and my choices. The good choices are so much easier. Even when faced with the fresh baked cookies placed conveniently by the cash register as I purchase my sub. Realizing this as I started my car, a sense of personal power surged within me. A big grin on my face, shifting up into 5th gear and off I zoomed in my little copper bullet toward my next destination…Dancing Queen, Fernando, Mama Mia (click here to sing along) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO3bos8WVD0, and Super Trooper, filling the space between me and the really good coffee in Paducah…worth every calorie and every bumpy mile…

Finally! In the car, waiting to turn left. The open road lying somewhere about 45 minutes from now. I took my time preparing, not caring when I got on the road...

Oh yeah...this is actually 1:04 PM...I never reset my clocks after daylight savings time as it gives me a chance to use math in my everyday life just like my high school teacher said we would.

My goal is to reach Paducah, the halfway point tonight. The back of my car is full of all of the chapters of my life. Tucked neatly under my celestial blanket: a black leather bag is bulging with my Astrology tools; my laptop computer and accessories so that I can work on the book and my website; the black canvas bag holds my new business venture in the healthy living realm...Usana; a bright pink bag that came to me through the Komen luncheon one year, emptied of its original pink treasures, it now houses my Magic Bullet and accessories for the new lifestyle; the woven round basket holding my 'need to get to this stuff' items-cd's, water bottle, paper towels, cellphone and camera, bag of veggies and atlas is on the front seat; another canvas bag holds the magazine clippings, art papers and journal that will become a collage mandala if I have time; the duffel bag with my 3 sets of clothes and tennis shoes for walking the hilly road around my mom's subdivision; the bright red zipper bag a gift from Look Good, Feel Better holds my beauty/health contraband, and last but not least the Back in the Swing tote holds the pink band, yoga block, strap and handled elastic bands to be used with the bigger than big pink beach ball behind my seat.

Hmm...I have everything I need for the next 7 days. So do I really need all that stuff at home that I have been furiously sorting over the last few hours? Yes, I could not leave until my "sacred space" was clean and clear. Somehow having my foundation set, cleared my way to leave. This time of year when the days start becoming noticeably longer I always feel driven to sort, organize and pitch. In 2009, that also includes my inner life, what practices need sorting, organizing or released? Does yoga still juice me? How many of these rocks do I need to feel grounded? What do I want to share with the community? And what am I complete with?

As I finally reach the out limits of suburbia, floating east on the interstate, I get to think...no interruptions, a captive audience for my inner organizer and muse to flood my consciousness with ideas and opportunities to review, release and renew...

Finding the Way

Hi again,

So long ago I decided to make this life change. (well, it feels like somewhere in a galaxy, far, far away). And over the last few weeks I have longed to get back in here! An old pattern has been running. The same type of energy drain that happened with my old job. I am learning to sort and focus. While I have the high priority big project on the front burner, the other things on the stove-top get an intentional stir each day. We all know what happens when we forget the pot in the back! Burn out!

Starting today, I am devoting a little time each day to the things I want to move forward with. No more tunnel vision focus on ‘the one thing’ to get it out of the way. There is enough life force to spread around. I am a great cook, not real patient, and can easily have a huge multi-burner meal come together successfully. So why not take this metaphor across the lines of my life?

On the other side of that, I know to be careful to not start more pots than I have burners. In the last few days some things have been put back in the pantry for a while, or put into the recycle bin for transformation. While my renaissance soul loves variety, there has to be a sense of balance to have forward movement. Otherwise it becomes a merry-go-round…up and down, round and round, fun for a while and in the end you have to get off and it speeds on.

So I set my intention on shifting and spending even just 20 minutes each day on the things that are most important to me…family, spirit, health, purpose in the world.

To help me focus and decide I created a burning bowl ceremony. After assembling my pottery bowl, firestick and paper and pencil, I did a meditation to center. Then I made a list of the things that no longer serve me…habits, haircut, people, activities and offered gratitude for their role in my life. I put the flame to the paper and dropped it in the bowl. When the flames subsided, I took the pencil and did some free writing to focus on the things that are most important, the things that will fill the pots on my ‘stove’. This of course will be evolving and organic. And it feels good to get to a place of clarity and to have movement forward.

Clearing Space

Saturday Morning, December 6, 2008

Peace-full awakening this morning. A perfect end to a rollercoaster week. My husband’s arms wrapped around me in the familiar embrace of love and safety. Thoughts on us, our children, and what the future has in store. Noticeably absent: stress over the job relationship I was released from this week.

What does getting fired from a job have to do with the ‘quantum leap’? I have been provided the opportunity to take a good look at how being an employee is working (or not) in my life. Christiane Northrup, MD, author of The Wisdom of Menopause, talked about this on a recent program I watched. Not only is menopause about the physical and emotional changes experienced…it brings up any buried issues and shines light into the dark recesses of our being. While it has not felt good at times, the job relationship has helped facilitate the review of a lot of patterns, constructive and destructive, that I have been running faithfully for years. Why have I let the tapes run for so long? Because it is familiar and easy. Stepping outside of the patterns that have supported me so well is scary…and more than a little exciting to think about.

Recently, I gifted myself a major lifestyle change. The self-care regimen that I was so diligent about during the cancer year had fallen victim to the all-consuming distraction of the job. Now, I own the fact that letting the job relationship take over was my choice. And it is so easy to get sucked in, especially when the work is good work for the community. Imagine my surprise when my heart raced so rapidly during the cardio screen that it concerned the trainer and the rest of my team of healers. How did it get to this point? Has my heart’s desire been suppressed to the point of its breaking? So much energy had gone into the job relationship to the detriment of my health.

Remembering the teachings of my spiritual mentor, I have committed to treating my body as temple. There is no better way to love, value and honor myself than to provide nourishing food in appropriate measure and exercise to strengthen and rebuild my body.

What does all of this have to do with where we started? It is about releasing old patterns and the clearing that happens when you do. I released my old relationship with my body and was gifted the release of the job. Did I mention the 8 pound weight loss after I lost the job? A combination of the new lifestyle and the letting go of the burden of stress. And lots of wide open space to explore new possibilities for my life. So for all of this I am grateful… and excited.

On the Plan Pumpkin Pudding

1 C Water
2 cubes ice
2 servings vanilla whey powder ( 2 env. Smoothie mix)
½ C Pumpkin Puree
¼ tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp vanilla extract
Dash of ginger, nutmeg, cloves (spices to taste)

Cover and shake, whip until blended well and thickened. Serve.
**I warmed it up in a mug and it almost tasted like pumpkin pie!

P.S. It is getting past lunch time and I realize that my body is telling me it is time to eat. I have written right through the midmorning snack craving. Yahoo! Feeding my soul with something I love, keeps me from feeding the emptiness with unhealthy things…another topic, another day.